Coming To a Close

I just want to talk about all the things that I have gained from this course. I understand what kind of partner I am, and what I must change to become the kind of spouse I want to be. The lessons of this course have given me the tools to create a successful family, become a mother who is more confident in how she raises and teaches her children, a wife who will fill her role and offer the other half of a parental couple. I was once terrified of starting a family, I could not see myself as a good mother, or a satisfying wife. I could not imagine how I could realistically change to become these things. Yet, today, with the knowledge of this class and through the prayer and study it has inspired, i am ready for that role. I understand a little more fully how parents cannot know exactly what they are doing as they become parents, there is uncertainty and mistakes to be made. I understand that although I cannot be a perfect parent, I have tools to help me be the best I can be. I am more confident in my future ability to raise righteous children who can be successful in life, and creating a relationship with my future spouse that will be lasting, pure, good, and satisfying as my patriarchal blessing promises. I have grown this semester. I know it has all been my attitude too. I set out to learn, and learn I did. i had the determination to get all i could out of the few hours a week I would devote to this topic, and I feel I definitely reaped the rewards of that determination. It is a grand feeling knowing i have changed for the better, and gained knowledge that I will hold for eternity.

Gerontology

The article we read on blended families, the story about Mary and David, I think applies beautifully to our discussion on aging families. I have seen several cases where parents, once their children begin having families, feel they have to complete themselves by integrating into the lives of their children and grandchildren. It is a sad sight to see, and I wonder why as generations get older they often feel that way. I have seen this tendency personally, in my own parents. They have not had a good relationship since I can remember. I cannot recall ever feeling like they truly, completely loved each other. They devoted themselves to their children, diving into their lives and trying to vicariously live through them. my mother would see the kind and gentlemanly acts of her son-in-laws and pour them with praise in an obvious attempt to make a hint to my father that he should do the same, obvious to everyone but him. I was discussing my parent's difficult relationship with my mother one night and she told me she planned to discuss the problems they had once I left for school again. I could not understand why she felt she needed to wait until I was gone to act on fixing her bond with her husband. although the reasons may extend beyond their aging, I can see how children can become a crutch for parents during the years, and once they leave the parents may feel trapped with their spouse, for the buffers have finally left. I think of the movie, "Failure to Launch", where upon the announcement that her 30 year old son is finally moving out of the home he grew up in, his mother admits that a little part of her did not want to leave, he was something that her and her husband could focus on instead of each other. She also tells of how it will be like getting to know her long-time spouse all over again once it is just the two of them, and she wonders if he will like her or not. over the years it is so easy for parents to forget their own relationship in the whirlwind of raising their children. it is a scary step to have only one another to worry about. Back, to the case study of Mary and David, one of their earliest problems was that Mary's mother refused to let go of her, she could not stand to be alone in exchange for her daughter to have her own life. This situation is sickeningly damaging to Mary and extraordinarily selfish of her mother. Parents are to let their children fly to a new nest of their own. A loving relationship is still good, but not when it interferes with the new life of the child. I believe that parents should not be a constant element in a couple's home, unless completely necessary in specific situations.

3/7/12 Discuss to Concensus

I wholeheartedly agree that the counsel method is "the Genius of God's government". There is no compromise or sacrifice necessary in this way, for both come to a conclusion that fits the Lord's way. If we can devote ourselves to His will, if we can form our own desires around His, then we can achieve true happiness, for that IS his will. We must seek inspiration as we discuss and decide. Let your mutual love of Christ unify you. do not try to convince or manipulate. This method is a discover for truth and right path between you. To counsel and achieve consensus is to discuss, never debate. It is miraculous when we invite the spirit into such conversations. Yet, we have to be willing to listen and change with the presence of that spirit. Our tendency is to revert on what is familiar rather than what is inspired. Beware of this! We can overcome this by setting a routine to discuss and apply this wonderful method and keeping that schedule constant. Just as it is needed to read and study the scriptures and pray each day rather than only when there is something to discuss with the Lord, or a crisis to overcome. Before these discussions, it is important to express love and gratitude. I really love this idea. It is so dearly important that we let our partners know they are loved and appreciated often, especially if they are the type of person that needs that vocal affirmation to understand they are loved. this action sets a mood of acceptance of opinion, and love that will fight through disagreement. Differences can strengthen a couple, especially when those differences are accepted as part of the wonderful being you have committed yourself to. I also love the idea of having these possible difficult conversations over a meal. It adds that extra bond in sharing a meal together to better unify and comfort each party. I cannot express eloquently enough how much I adore this method of discussion and decision making. I always thought that compromise was the best way to come to decisions with a mostly positive outlook. I know now that synergy is far better, that it creates such a  beautiful relationship between husband and wife, and leads them on the path that makes them "one".

Work

Does it really matter that the family is being separated into different duties and no longer work together like they should? Of course! Work is a powerful tool to bring people closer. it unites them and becomes an equalizer between them. When you work together, you are performing some sort of service and service is our yellow brick road to Heavenly Father. We can see the end in sight when we work, and that puts things into proper perspective whether we are concious of it or not.
God's WORK and his glory are to bring to pass the happiness and eternal life of man.

Learning From The Masters

I am so grateful that I attended the child and family career fair this past Thursday. I learned so much. I got there late so I didn't really know what was going on and I sat down in a class and wondered where everyone was, for there were only a few people in the room. I figured everyone would gather in one room and see several representatives of the different related professions come and speak. Instead, those form the differing careers were stationed in different rooms and it was the students who rotated between them. I got to spend a few minutes listening to our Brother Williams as he talked about how we could make the most of our progression toward our degrees and eventual positions in our chosen field. I also got to spend a few more moments picking his brain after the fair. I am studying to be a marriage and family concealer, so I tried to soak up his advise like a sponge. I learned that it is so very important that we try and get every ounce of experience in the field as possible. Brother Williams advised that we get jobs, even volunteer, near the professions where we would want to work. It will be hard to get a job as a marriage and family therapist if we're working as a waitress at the diner across the street. He also said that it would be smart to find an area of expertise. We will get more clientele this way, and form strong friendships and alliances with other therapists and counselors as we refer those we could not help as effectively as another. Getting as much experience as possible would also be helpful.

Inspired Decisions

I was amazed by the wisdom I gained as we discussed the Apostolic discussion method. How inspiring. As we talked about it I got so excited for the day when I can use that way of coming to a decision with my husband, a way without compromise, where each party is pleased with the outcome, and a stronger bond is formed between you two because of it. I always thought that compromise would have to be a part of every disagreement. That someone would have to be giving up something for there to be peace and order in the home. I am so grateful that that does not always have to be the case. Yes, of course, not all decisions can be made without compromise, but I can barely believe that there is a way that is better than that. Yet, I guess there still is a sense of compromise and sacrifice in this method of decision-making. We are giving up and sacrificing our own will for the Lords. However, that is never truly a sacrifice in relation to the blessings and happiness and peace of mind we obtain if we do offer our own desires up to the Lord in exchange for doing what we would of us.

Marriage, families, and my complete lack of preparation.

These last few weeks have helped me to realize how unprepared I am to be a mother. It discourages me how ill prepared I feel to know what to teach and instruct my children. I know that most future parents feel this way, but it hurts to imagine my children suffering because I don't know what to do with them. I am not even dating anyone and this upsets me, that's a little crazy to me. I didn't grow up in a highly Mormon populated area, and so it wasn't ingrained in me to constantly think about marriage and families as i have seen it in those who live around many with our same beliefs. Yet, coming to this school where families are promoted more than i have ever experienced I find myself thinking about those things so much more often. It is amazing how a society effects you even when you do not realize it. This realization has also caused me to speculate on the kind of environment I want to raise my family in. It's a lot to think about.

Life is an intertwined net of knowledge.

It is absolutely insane how my classes are connecting with one another. It makes learning in each course so much more enjoyable. I will learn a principle in one class, then hours later I apply that principle. It's invigorating to learn this way. It excites me to come to class and keep building my knowledge and strengthen my life experience. This week especially has been insane in that all of my classes, every one, have correlated in some way. The concepts I have learned in Family Foundations I been able to apply in my group presentation on eternal marriage in Family Foundations. In my Capstone class we have been discovering our opinions on people with homosexual tendencies and how that affects us and other families. Principles I have found in that class have shed a different light on marriage and caused me to see what an incredible blessing it is to have tendencies that coincide with the Lord's plan. It has made marriage much more important and sacred to me. In my Psychology class we recently discussed reinforcement and punishment, and what they really mean. It has given me important knowledge on how to teach my future children, and also how to problem solve with my future husband. I have never enjoyed learning in my classes more than I have this semester, especially these last few weeks. It is just breathtaking to me how life connects sometimes.

Love the Sinner, Not the Sin!

I really enjoyed the discussion we had on Friday. I agree wholeheartedly. Members of the church, or people in general, struggling with same-sex attraction simply need to be loved and accepted. We should not accept those feelings and tendencies as right or something good, but we must accept the individual. They are a child of God and therefore, no matter what, they deserve to be treated as such. For so many, declaring one's sexual orientation to be heterosexual is a way to escape to a place where they can feel accepted or special. If we accept those who are different from our view of what is male and what is female than these individuals would not have the need to seek companionship from their own sex. I love the phrase Brother Williams repeated in class, "Being informed and loving people at the same time is the best way we can help them." or something to that effect. it is completely true. Trying to get those who find themselves attracted to the same sex to fight their feelings, telling them its wrong and evil to feel that way, and treating them as wicked transgressors is the same as pushing them into homosexual lifestyles as much as telling them those feelings are true and good. Love the sinner, not the sin is one of my favorite phrases in the church. Besides, these people who see themselves attracted to their same gender are not sinners at all. They are simply fighting their way through the temptations chosen for them in this life. It is only when they act on those tendencies and emotions that they sin. This subject is particularly sensitive for me because of the views of my father. Wonderful man that he is, he finds it hard to accept those who declare themselves gay or lesbian as children of God. In theory he might understand that yes, they are children of Heavenly Father, but he does not treat them as such. Growing up in San Francisco, with a father who treated all who found themselves homo-attracted as sinners whether they had acted on it or not, i think is the reason for his take on the matter. I also had a dear friend who was a perfect example of someone who did not fit the classic description for "male", yet he did not have any sort of tendencies toward other men. He was very, very "straight". Yet very few accepted him as a man, someone who be attractive to women. Because of this lack of acceptance, he soon found comfort in the idea of being attracted to the same sex, he found this to be more acceptable for the way he acted to his friends. Strong man that he is, he resisted the urge to act upon these feelings. He knew they were contrary to the Lord's plan. He has been such an inspiration for me.

What is a "family"?

I have several different versions of what a family is and what it can be. I consider those I am blood related to my family, automatically. They belong to me and I them in some way. Yet they are only a distant version of the word, for I know my extended family very little except for a few. When I think of family I think of my immediate family instinctively. I picture my mother and father, sisters and my brother. They are my family, they have made me into who I am for the most part. I then think of a few individuals that I have "adopted" into my family. They are as much a part of me as my blood family is. I think of one of my high school friends and her younger sister who i love dearly, and I think of my roommate that I have lived with since my first semester here at BYU Idaho. I call them the sisters God forgot to give me. I was born to four sisters, but I have grown into seven. There is no one definition to the word "family". It has a different connotation with every individual. It can even mean several different things to one person like it does to me. I think the basis for the word lies in a feeling of belonging. Our family is whoever we belong to in one way or another.

Family Dynamics

I am sorry that I haven't been posting anything these last few weeks. As I have mentioned before, I don't blog really, or social network much for that matter, so I forget easily. Anyways, I wanted to talk about our discussion last week on the family dynamics. On thinking about my own family I was amazed at how many connections and varying relationships exist in a family. We talked about how families can have a special connection between a parent and one of the children, or a certain dynamic between siblings. When I analysed my family growing up I found that we have so many different bonds between us. I come from a family with five women and a man-boy. My four older sisters are close in age, followed by my brother who is quite a lot younger than them comparatively, then there is me, closing up as the bookend of the family. You would think that being the youngest, I would be the spoiled baby who received all the parental attention. Not in my family. i admit I am spoiled compared to my older siblings who were raised when my parents were just starting out their family, my father still in dental school, and struggling to provide for his little girls that just kept coming. Yet, it is my sister, the youngest of the four, that is the favored child in our dynamic. I have heard of the middle child being the forgotten, squished in between the oldest siblings who take on a parental-type role toward the younger members, and the youngest who experience the laid back parental control that has weakened as the married couple grow older and too tired to enforce the same strictness they did in the beginning. It is interesting to me that my family is near the opposite. The children fall into a pyramid-like pattern of attention.
I was also intrigued at Brother William's several statements on the importance of a strong marital unit in the home, and how it is vital for a family to succeed. Despite the fact that we don't completely fill this requirement, I would say that my family is a success. Yes, we have our problems, but for the most part we children are quite close and loving toward one another. Our parents however are another story.

Week 1

I am not the Blogger type so please be patient with me as I get used to this. I prefer to discuss and offer my personal insights to those around me rather than a computer. But here goes...

It has been amazing to me this past week just how interconnected my classes are becoming. The principals I learn in my Social Statistics class will be reinforced just an hour later in this class, just as the ideas discussed in my Foundations Capstone course will reappear the next day in the same setting. It is making my educational growth this semester that much more enjoyable, as I can see how certain knowledge is usefull in three different situations within hours of each other.
This is my first semester where I am finally working toward my major. I focused on generals my first two years and dabbled in a few majors before realizing that marriage and Family counceling was my life calling. It's extremely satisfying to be learning about topics I am deeply passionate and curious about. It's a bit of a high seeing my future come closer into focus.