Gerontology

The article we read on blended families, the story about Mary and David, I think applies beautifully to our discussion on aging families. I have seen several cases where parents, once their children begin having families, feel they have to complete themselves by integrating into the lives of their children and grandchildren. It is a sad sight to see, and I wonder why as generations get older they often feel that way. I have seen this tendency personally, in my own parents. They have not had a good relationship since I can remember. I cannot recall ever feeling like they truly, completely loved each other. They devoted themselves to their children, diving into their lives and trying to vicariously live through them. my mother would see the kind and gentlemanly acts of her son-in-laws and pour them with praise in an obvious attempt to make a hint to my father that he should do the same, obvious to everyone but him. I was discussing my parent's difficult relationship with my mother one night and she told me she planned to discuss the problems they had once I left for school again. I could not understand why she felt she needed to wait until I was gone to act on fixing her bond with her husband. although the reasons may extend beyond their aging, I can see how children can become a crutch for parents during the years, and once they leave the parents may feel trapped with their spouse, for the buffers have finally left. I think of the movie, "Failure to Launch", where upon the announcement that her 30 year old son is finally moving out of the home he grew up in, his mother admits that a little part of her did not want to leave, he was something that her and her husband could focus on instead of each other. She also tells of how it will be like getting to know her long-time spouse all over again once it is just the two of them, and she wonders if he will like her or not. over the years it is so easy for parents to forget their own relationship in the whirlwind of raising their children. it is a scary step to have only one another to worry about. Back, to the case study of Mary and David, one of their earliest problems was that Mary's mother refused to let go of her, she could not stand to be alone in exchange for her daughter to have her own life. This situation is sickeningly damaging to Mary and extraordinarily selfish of her mother. Parents are to let their children fly to a new nest of their own. A loving relationship is still good, but not when it interferes with the new life of the child. I believe that parents should not be a constant element in a couple's home, unless completely necessary in specific situations.